Living Worlds Productions: The Star Trek Shoot-Them List

Federation/Starfleet (all series): Shoot them after they've already shot at you—then have a phaser malfunction which creates enough of a plot complication to drive the rest of the episode.

Talosians (TOS): Fool them into thinking they can't shoot you.

Crazy Starfleet Captains (TOS, mostly): Shoot them because you're psycho. Duh.

Vulcans (all series): Shoot them if it's logical.

Klingons (all series): In TOS, just shoot them because you're the bad guys. In later incarnations, shoot them because they've insulted your honor, then sing about it after drinking copious amounts of bloodwine.

Organians (TOS): Get them to stop shooting each other using mystical powers, then never show up in any future episode.

Nazis (TOS, VOY, ENT): Shoot them . . . well, you know why. What you don't know is why they seem to show up so often in Star Trek.

Tholians (TOS, ENT): Shoot them, then build a web around them, and otherwise be irrelevant to the episode and all of the DS9 episodes in which you are randomly mentioned.

Mirror-Universe Imperials (TOS): Shoot them because you're tyrannical bastards.

Andorians (TOS, ENT): Shoot them because they're pinkskins.

Kelvans (TOS): We're too advanced for shooting, so, um . . . I know, let's turn them into truncated cubes made of salt-like stuff! Don't ask us why, your puny intellects couldn't comprehend it.

Nomad (TOS): Shoot them because they are imperfect and need to be purified.

Romulans (all series): In TOS, shoot them honorably because they're invading your space. In later incarnations, shoot them in the back, because it's expedient.

V'Ger (I): Shoot them with very powerful weapons because your home planet is infested by Carbon Units. If that doesn't work, just bore them to death with overlong special-effects sequences and lame dialogue.

Khan (TOS, II): Steal their ship using brainwashed henchmen, then shoot them while throwing random quotes at them. Because "revenge is a dish best served cold," but we should probably eat it before it gets any colder.

Captain Kruge (III): Shoot them because you want the Genesis Device. Except that the only prototype has been detonated, and the only people who know how it worked are a Kirk girlfriend, who like all Kirk girlfriends only existed for one episode (er, movie), and Kirk's son, whom you decide to stab to death. Smart!

The Probe (IV): Shoot them with a rather powerful ocean-vaporizing ray because they killed off your pals, the humpback whales.

Sybok (V): Don't shoot them, just "take away their pain," thus turning them into loyal henchmen and, incidentally, making the audience want to shoot themselves rather than sitting through the rest of this joke of a movie.

Valeris (VI): Get assassins with magnetic boots to shoot them after disabling their gravity, then shoot the assassins, because apparently peace is illogical.

General Kang (VI): Shoot them from your ship that can fire while cloaked, while quoting Shakespeare at them for no apparent reason.

Q (TNG, DS9, VOY): Shooting them is soooo boring. Just make fun of them. If you really need to get rid of them, create a temporal anomaly that destroys the galaxy, and blame it on them.

Particle-of-the-week (all series except TOS): Particles don't shoot things. They get shot at things.

Minosians (TNG): Get shot by your own artificially intelligent military products, which go on to shoot a bunch of other people as well.

Ferengi (all series except TOS): Shoot them if they won't accept a bribe. (Rule of Acquisition #286)

Naglium (TNG): Kill them so you can understand death.

Holograms (all series except TOS): Shoot them because you're malfunctioning, and the safety protocols are off. As usual.

Borg (TNG, VIII, VOY, ENT): Assimilate them. Shooting is irrelevant.

Cardassians (all series except TOS): Plot against them for years, then capture them and put them on trial in which they are guilty until proven guilty, then televise yourself shooting them.

Bajorans (all series except TOS): Shoot them because they're occupying your planet—again.

Maquis (TNG, DS9, VOY): Shoot them because they're Cardies.

Soran (VII): Shoot them if they get in the way of your evil plot to destroy a few star systems.

Lethean (DS9): Zap their brains. Who needs guns when you have crazy telepathic powers?

Mirror-Universe Cardassian-Klingon-Bajoran Alliance (DS9): Shoot them because they're revolting against you.

Founders (DS9): Get someone else to shoot them. Gods don't shoot people—Jem'Hadar shoot people.

Vorta (DS9): Get the Jem'Hadar to shoot them, because the Founders told you to. We're just the middlemen—don't blame us.

Jem'Hadar (DS9): Shoot them because you are ritually dead, so you can reclaim your life. Victory is Life!

Section 31 (DS9): Shoot them if they're interfering with your plans to protect the Federation by any means necessary.

Breen (DS9): Shoot them for some reason-of-the-week.

Caretaker (VOY): Shoot them with a %!$#ing powerful tractor beam because you want to mate with them.

Ocampa (VOY): Be really wimpy normally, otherwise fry with mad pyrokinesis skills, but generally don't shoot them.

Talaxians (VOY): Shoot them if annoying the hell out of them doesn't work, or you don't manage to give them food poisoning or severe heartburn. One of those usually works.

Kazon (VOY): Shoot them because you are lame Voyager Season 1-3 villains, and have nothing better to do than mount attacks against a vessel that massively outclasses you.

Vidiians (VOY): Shoot them and steal their organs, because despite the fact that you're all infected with a crippling plague, you can still operate and maintain a large interstellar battle fleet. "Necessity is the mother of invention!" . . . said the Voyager staff writer who needed to invent an entire new alien civilization every two weeks.

Henry Starling (VOY): Shoot them after stumbling across some totally far-out technology, man, then starting a company that would make the Ferengi proud.

Time Police (VOY): Shoot them because they're screwing with the timeline. But only sometimes.

Sona'a (IX): Shoot them because they spoiled your attempt at regaining immortality.

Macroviruses (VOY): Infect them! Sure, you shouldn't be able to hover, or sting them, but hey, you're already violating conservation of mass . . . so why not?

Species 8472 (VOY): Shoot them with ridiculously powerful weapons because the weak shall perish.

Hirogen (VOY): Play cat-and-mouse games with them, then shoot them, because your species of "hunters" is yet another in the long list of one-dimensional Voyager villains.

Malon (VOY): Dump toxic waste on them. Shoot them if they don't like it.

Sentient missiles (VOY): Explode next to them because that is your purpose in life.

Remans (X): Shoot them because you're a species that was pulled out of some screenwriter's ass. An Oscar-winning screenwriter, yes, but he can't write a decent Star Trek script to save his life.

Temporal cold-warriors (ENT): Get someone in the past to shoot them, e.g. the Suliban—or the Nazis.

Xindi (ENT): Shoot them and try to destroy their planet because some noncorporeal being said they would destroy your homeworld. Dedicate your entire society to that cause while you're at it, with the net result being possibly the worst season in Star Trek history.

Terra One (ENT): Shoot them because they're not humans, then try to vaporize San Fransisco because other humans are much more open-minded and welcoming of trade, technological collaboration, and benevolent multi-species governments than you are.